“Can you pray for me?” Those were the only words I could mutter out in the bathroom as I was trying to pull myself together to sing in honor of a friend…a man of God, an awesome husband and dad, a cool student leader and a rockstar musician. Especially in these moments, it’s clear that my strength only comes from the Lord.
Never in my life have I experienced such an urgency to make sure that this life I’m living is for one reason, and one reason alone…to truly and completely live for Him. When the shock of somebody you care about suddenly leaving this earth, you can’t help but have a soul check…then the questions start to raise…Lord have I made you proud with my life?…Did I miss an opportunity to share your love with someone who needed it?…Was I too concerned about what they would think of me? Naturally tears are shed, the realization of what has happened becomes clear, and we move forward. However, for me this time is different…I’ve had to grieve the passing of friends, family members, and even my own little one, but for some reason, the light bulb is on in my soul more than ever before. I found myself not even asking why but asking how…
At 34, I have experienced enough life that, for me, the why wastes time and energy. I don’t know why, but I know God…quite frankly that’s all that matters. Until God decides to give us the why, we have to move forward knowing that His plans are far greater than what our minds can comprehend. It sucks…it’s painful…but then God shows up in our weak moments and gives us the strength and peace to keep going…to simply trust Him.
Today was a true testament of God’s peace and joy…it’s indescribable. As I was singing on stage, I kept glancing over at the two cool kids (they are technically young men, but I’m older so I call them kids) worshipping the Lord through the instruments that God has gifted them with…their amazing mom was standing in the front row with her hands lifted high, and let me tell you…I was in awe. In awe of the God that we serve…in awe of His perfect peace and complete strength. Their faith and hope in the Lord is so evident. Will the boys miss their dad, and will she miss her husband? Absolutely…but they have hope. Hope that God will fulfill His promises to us, and that we will see Eric again.
So now to answer the how…for me, honoring Eric will be by taking action and asking God, “How can I live for you today?” Asking myself, “How can I find ways to be bolder in my faith?” Asking others, “How can I pray for you?” This life is not about us…it’s about our Creator, and living a life meaningful to Him. Our days on this earth are numbered, and at the end of this temporary life I want my Father in heaven to say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”
Eric…We miss you, but we’ll see you soon.